Why Obedience is Bliss (Part 1 of 2)
Recap: Children, Obey Your Parents
Several weeks ago, we began examining Ephesians 6:1-3, a passage particularly relevant for youth. It addresses children's relationship to their parents.
In Ephesians, Paul first lays out the theology of salvation: God predestines us, saves us by the blood of Jesus Christ, and brings us from spiritual death to newness of life. Chapter 4 introduces putting off pointless things and putting on Christ-like qualities that benefit our lives and glorify God.
Paul then applies this new life to different relationships: with the world, within the church, in marriage, and now in family—specifically parents and children.
Last week, we focused on verses 1-3: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—this is the first commandment with a promise: that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Ephesians 6:1-3
Obeying parents is God's decree. Honor means to treasure, value, esteem, and respect them. Unlike the other Ten Commandments, this one carries an explicit promise beyond eternal life: relational well-being and longevity on the earth.
Obey in the Lord—meaning not if it involves sin. As Acts 4 teaches, we obey God rather than men. Even if you don't see immediate benefits, follow through. Obedience blesses every other relationship—marriage, friendships, church—creating ripple effects throughout life. It fosters joy and contentment as God intended.
Sons who honor their mothers learn to honor future wives; daughters who respect fathers prepare to respect husbands. Obedience extends your lifespan to experience more of God's blessings.
Salvation is the ultimate benefit, but God adds extra grace: blessed relationships and circumstances through obedience.
Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children
Now verse 4: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4
Though we're not parents yet, this builds on our role as children. View it as future preparation while applying it now. "Fathers" represents parents as a unit, with husbands leading as in Ephesians 5.
Obeying parents is one of the hardest commands for youth. Almost every struggle ties back to it. Master this, and other areas fall into place. Treasure parents first, then obedience follows willingly.
This brings freedom—not the world's self-glory, but true freedom through glorifying God. Restrict yourself from activities, friendships, or media that dishonor Him or your parents.
Common Problems in Family Relationships
Like marriage (Genesis 3 curse: husbands fail to love, wives to respect), parenting faces issues: children disobey, parents provoke anger. Battles arise over homework, chores, friendships.
Children are prone to disobedience and angry responses like "I hate you." But treasuring parents shifts responsibility: obey for God's glory, not to manipulate them.
True faith proves itself in action, not words—like Abraham offering Isaac. Demonstrate love through obedience, avoiding anger.
Encourage Your Parents
You can't control parents, but they will provoke at times. Choose not to respond in anger. Encourage them: thank them for right decisions, pray together, affirm spiritual leadership.
Even if unsaved, share the gospel and praise good actions. When disciplined, thank them later: "Thank you for loving me enough to correct me."
Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
Hebrews 12:9
Hebrews 12 compares earthly discipline to God's loving correction—proof of salvation. Jewish culture respected disciplining fathers. Parents who spare discipline hate their children; true love corrects sin with God's Word.
Provoke parents to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). Obey for God's glory, and watch blessings flow.
Discipline and Instruction from Parents
Don't provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. These words—discipline and instruction—are strong and synonymous. To discipline is to instruct, to teach the disciplines that relate to the Lord: loving Him, following Him, trusting Him, believing in Him.
When I was growing up, my dad would sit us down for Bible study. Most of us weren't saved yet, and we'd think there was something better than listening to him talk about the Bible. It felt boring, especially on Christmas morning with gifts like Star Fox waiting. Everything was on hold while Dad read the Christmas story from Luke every year. As a redeemed kid now, I see he was doing a great job. Parents make mistakes—every one does—but God in His sovereign wisdom placed you in your family. He's given you His Holy Spirit and salvation to live rightly, regardless of their fulfillment of roles.
Chances are, parents are doing better than we think. If not, encourage them: "Dad, Mom, can you read Scripture with me? Pray with me? I read this in Revelation—what do you think?" Parents fight battles not just against our sin, but our sinful reactions. They're instructing and raising us. Obedience simplifies life, recognizing that parents can provoke and we can respond in anger. Do your part.
In youth ministry, I've rarely told kids, "I'll talk to your parents for you." It's usually the other way. Parents try their best, make mistakes, learn, and move on. Kids get enamored with worldly ways. To avoid provocation, encourage discipline: "Dad, I need your help with sin. Mom, take things away. I need the pain of discipline to grow like Christ, to respect others, function in society, and glorify the Lord."
The Role of Admonition
The other word is admonition, from the Greek noutheteo, related to counseling with God's Word—establishing what you're supposed to do. It means encouragement, direction, wisdom, guidance.
Encourage parents: "What do you think I should do with my life? What's your estimation?" They've seen you grow, your talents, goals, dreams. They know things you don't. Recently, I asked my dad about taxes. Or Chris's dad about buying a house. I need to provide for my family—if not, I'm not qualified as a pastor or husband.
First Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
If I don't know, I need instruction, wisdom from those who've gained it. Even starting the conversation stimulates thinking.
Here's a tough one: "Dad or Mom, should I date this person? Be friends with them? Work here? What ministry, college, high school? Should I be homeschooled?" Strike up conversations, build trust that you're responsible enough for their input.
Responding Rightly: The Burden of Responsibility
If parents discipline and we respond with anger, the burden shifts to us. If they're doing their job and we sinfully react, we're failing, depriving ourselves of blessing beyond salvation. You're hurting yourself and the relationship.
If they're disciplining and we get angry, we're sinning. If teaching God's Word and we ignore it, sinning. Giving direction and we rage, sinning. Asking to take out the trash and we disobey negatively, the burden is on us. Obey, repent, glorify the Lord with your attitude.
As you age, move out, or marry, obedience's intensity decreases. But in the meantime, respond properly. If they're not fulfilling roles, encourage them lovingly. If severe, reach out—pastors are available to help from Scripture.
If they're doing it and you respond negatively, it's sin hurting only you. Freedom in Christ means obedience within bounds. Live there, gain trust—parents defend you: "I know them; they love the Lord."
Avoiding the Wrong Lane
This comes from God's Word and its blessings, and my experience as a disobedient child missing out. Ignoring principles sets a longer road ahead, though God's grace changes.
It's like driving in a lane that ends on a busy freeway. You're stuck, can't merge, wishing you'd changed lanes earlier. Someone might let you in by grace, but avoiding it is better. Obey parents, seek their counsel—they're there by God's design to guide you to the right lane.
Even bad parental advice, run by pastors: "That's the worst—do this instead." Still beneficial. Take it seriously.
