What to Do with Subpar Purity (Part 1 of 2)

Understanding the Passage: 1 Corinthians 7:36-40

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong toward her, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

1 Corinthians 7:36-40 (ESV)

The purpose of these closing verses in 1 Corinthians 7 is to address individuals in a romantic relationship that is more than friendship but less than marriage. If they are burning with lust, it is better to marry than to burn. This passage provides guidance for dealing with awakened sexual desire in such a context.

Sexual desire has been awakened, as we saw in Song of Solomon. It is legitimate but now a struggle because there is no biblical means to fulfill it outside marriage. Biology drives it, and sin compounds the temptation. Sexual sin can be repented of, but biology cannot. Marriage offers a God-given way to address this specifically.

What to Do When Failing at Purity

The capstone of this passage addresses those failing at purity or lacking a foundation of purity in a premarital romantic relationship. Moments of sin or temptation to sin demand action. Doing nothing leads to greater harm.

In the Christian life, idleness is the greatest path to sin. Take action and be proactive. There are two options, depending on the context.

First: End Unequally Yoked Relationships

If in a romantic relationship with an unbeliever, get out. Second Corinthians 6 warns against being unequally yoked—what fellowship has light with darkness? Such a relationship cannot honor God. (This does not apply to those already married to unbelievers who wish to stay.)

Second: Pursue Holiness in Believer Relationships

Holiness is always the answer, like an Israelite responding to captivity or exile by drawing closer to God and separating from the world. Romantic pursuits must glorify God through purity and self-restraint.

Step 1: Consider the Nature of Your Relationship (v. 36)

Examine your relationship: Is it built on purity, obsessed with it? Or is there any hint of inappropriate behavior?

The Greek word parthenos (virgin) refers to someone of marriageable age who has not engaged in sexual activity, often in a commitment leading to marriage—like engagement or a promise to marry. This contrasts with modern "test-driving" dating, where marriage is not the goal, compatibility is tested casually, and privacy assumes impropriety.

Biblical compatibility: If both have the Holy Spirit, you are compatible. Pursue believers committed to purity. Test their profession—avoid wolves in sheep's clothing.

If you sense any inappropriate behavior—physical or emotional that arouses passion—you are not behaving properly. Intimacy belongs in marriage. Any touch, kiss, or interaction that turns the other on is sin, even if it stops short of further acts.

Ask: Are either of you being turned on? If unsure, that's good—it likely hasn't happened. But if it has, recognize it.

Option 1: Marry If Passions Are Strong

If passions are strong—meaning lack of self-control due to the other's attractiveness and inappropriate interactions—marry. It is no sin. This applies to those of marriageable age in a committed relationship headed toward marriage.

Do not rush into marriage over minor slips. But if self-control is lost repeatedly, marry to avoid fornication. Fornication is uniquely against the body and hard to overcome due to biology.

Option 2: The Better Way—Refraining from Marriage (vv. 37-38)

Whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

1 Corinthians 7:37-38 (ESV)

Be firmly established, under no necessity (no urgency from burning passion), with desire under control. Determine to keep her as a virgin—a public commitment to purity.

Marrying does well, but refraining does even better. This builds a foundation of self-control and undivided devotion to the Lord. A self-controlled single person enters marriage on a stronger foundation than one marrying out of necessity to avoid sin.

Compare two marriages: Marriage A marries under necessity to avoid fornication—they lacked control. (To be continued...)