Paul’s Prescription for Purity (Part 1 of 2)

Introduction to Paul's Teaching

We're looking at 1 Corinthians 7:1-9 and concepts that may feel awkward, as they address physical intimacy and its proper context. View this through the lens of what is genuinely beautiful. The Scriptures teach the beauty of how bodies are properly used. Seeing bodies used outside their proper context should feel wrong—awkward, inappropriate, even disgusting, because that's how God views it.

This evening, we're examining Paul's prescription for purity. Last week, we saw the horrendousness of sexual immorality—sinning against our body by marrying a biological process, our sexuality, with sin. That's an abhorrent union. Sexual immorality is wrong, morally unacceptable, offensive to God, and a misuse of the body.

The question is: How does this play out practically? How do I use my body to glorify the Lord, especially in romantic relationships? Many shy away from Scripture's terminologies and concepts. Little is said from the pulpit, especially in youth groups, about behavior in premarital relationships—dating, courtship, engagement. Paul gives boundaries and guidelines so you're not left to your own devices.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:1-9 (ESV)

1 Corinthians 7 is one of the longest biblical presentations on premarital romance, offering practical instructions. If you want to glorify God with your body in relationships, this chapter is beneficial.

Our bodies have a purpose: to glorify God by using them as intended. Like a car not meant to be flipped and spun—that's misuse. Scripture is the owner's manual for our earthly vessels.

Purity Practiced Through Patience

Paul's prescription for purity is practiced through patience. In verse 1, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” The Greek word kalos means good—the opposite of kakos, evil. Refraining isn't just helpful; the opposite is wicked.

Paul responds to reports or questions about church issues, including premarital relationships. It's good—morally right, pleasing to God—not to touch intimately or passionately. The word haptō means to touch, take hold of, kindle like a fire.

Scripture doesn't explicitly say “don't kiss” or “don't cuddle.” But as a precaution in romantic relationships aimed at marriage, avoid passionate touching that ignites passion. There's no point risking heartache in easily endable relationships. Pursue permanent commitment.

Don't test “how far is too far”—that's wicked, risking setting each other on fire. As Solomon says, don't awaken love until its proper time: marriage.

You won't miss out on marital intimacy by waiting. God programmed sexuality to ignite in marriage's proper context, glorifying Him. Premarital activity risks uniting awakened passion with sin.

If someone truly loves you, they won't set you on fire. That's not love—it's hate. True love prioritizes your purity, eternity, and spiritual well-being.

Purity Practiced Through Marriage

The second practice: purity through marriage. Verse 2: “Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

Paul transitions from the unmarried to spouses. Verse 9 clarifies: “If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

This assumes betrothed individuals—promised or engaged to marry. Scripture recognizes only three romantic relationships: promised, engaged, married.

For those of marriageable age and ability, if temptation burns, options are self-control (patience) or marriage. Society says wait for career or college, but Scripture doesn't. Grandparents married young and lasted decades. Don't heed worldly advice about “missing your 20s”—much of that “fun” is unbiblical anyway.

Temptation to immorality is real for those without the gift of singleness (v. 7). Every interaction with someone attractive carries risk. Marriage provides a spouse to fulfill conjugal rights (vv. 3-5), countering temptation.

Marriage isn't a cure for sin or replacement for repentance—the antidote is God-granted repentance. But we can't repent of God-designed sexuality (heterosexual, for spouse). Sin distorts it, but untainted sexuality seeks marital intimacy.

If awakened prematurely, and self-control fails, marriage allows proper expression. Paul concedes this (v. 6), wishing all were like him: single and self-controlled. Marriage built on passion risks more trouble than one on purity.

Ladies, if unmarried at 25, 30, or older, it's not a defect. It's opportunity to grow in self-control—a greater gift to your future husband. Guys, the same applies, though distractions like video games or sports may help.

Contentment in Singleness and Self-Control

Though some have not received the gift of marriage and are discontent, Paul says it is valuable, precious, and monumentally beneficial to be single and self-controlled. He is not unbalancing singleness versus marriage—it's both/and. We should all find serious contentment in purity. If we cannot physically express our sexuality, we do well by being pure, patient, single, and self-controlled. Rest in that reality and beauty. Do not let others' perceptions dictate your life. You are not deficient; it is God's purpose and timing.

When you enter marriage, there is the beautiful privilege of expressing what is in verses 3 and 4.

"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband."

Conjugal rights mean marital intimacy. The husband should give to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. Tone and emphasis change meaning—if you demand your rights, you miss the point and decrease enjoyment, purpose, and significance.

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Use your bodies to glorify God by always being a giver, not a demander or taker. Ephesians 5 roles—love, respect, protection, submission—do not go away in intimacy. Husbands, give in a way that provides protection and safety, making your wife feel loved and secure. Wives, give in a way that encourages and satisfies your husband, enabling greater intimacy and vulnerability. It is more blessed to give than to receive.

Avoiding Deprivation and Temptation

The proper prescription for purity in marriage is to be a giver, because to deprive or deny in verse 5 incurs satanic temptation.

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Any deprivation must be by mutual agreement, limited, to devote yourselves to prayer—getting on your knees before God, praying for self-control during that time. The goal is greater sanctification to enhance the relationship, not degrade it. Come back together quickly, lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Marry Rather Than Burn

If you are of marriageable age and ability but lack self-control, it is better to marry than to burn. If you love someone but are not ready to marry, stop touching them. Prolonging engagement does not decrease marital problems—it leaves you ignorant and unprepared.

If betrothed and struggling with consistent temptation, get married—even quickly at the justice of the peace. Do the ceremony later. It is better to marry than to burn.

If not of marriageable age, learn self-control now. If in a relationship causing burning passion and temptation, run—get up and flee sexual sin. Run until exhausted, like an Ironman competitor. In some cases, if it cannot end in marriage, end the relationship. If someone does not respect your desire for purity, question why you are with them.

Attraction feels good—nice words, hugs, hand-holding—but look beyond the moment to spiritual significance. Certain touch causes burning and can lead down dark paths of perverse sexual sin, ruling your life through warped lenses. It could have been prevented by being single, self-controlled, and devoted to purity over fleeting pleasure.

Scripture instructs that your body's purpose is to glorify God, with eternal significance. All earthly pleasures pale compared to heavenly bliss. Those practicing sexual immorality without repentance demonstrate they were never saved, risking eternity with God for fleeting sin. Physical touch does not feel as good under God's wrath.

The better way: have your own spouse and experience intimacy that glorifies God, getting the best of both worlds.

Imitate Paul's Example

Imitate Paul as he imitates Christ. Before marriage, do not rush into romance without self-control—Paul exemplifies purity and says it is awesome. Singleness and self-control are more valuable than burning passion. If you cannot control yourself, marriage awaits. In the meantime, find great contentment imitating Paul: single and self-controlled.