Biblical Roles: Husband, Wife, and Singles (Part 1 of 2)

The Origin of Roles in Scripture

This evening, we examine biblical roles within marriage, church, society, and singleness. These roles are gender-specific as outlined in Scripture. This is a broad overview to encourage deeper study into your particular role. The goal is redeeming roles—examining role redemption as a means of glorifying God in our own functions and encouraging others in theirs.

Before checking out, note that this is not only a marital discussion. Scripture addresses roles in various relationships, including singleness. To understand roles, we start at their origin.

Genesis 2:15-17
"The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, 'You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.'"

Here, roles begin with the creation of man, representing humanity. He receives three explicit roles: work the garden, protect it ("keep" means to guard in Hebrew), and obey God. Work was not a consequence of the fall; it was always man's intended role. The fall made it laborious.

Obedience means enjoying God's provision within His boundaries. The trees were pleasant to the eyes and good for food (Genesis 2:9). Man is to enjoy God in His blessings.

Implicit roles include teaching God's command to the woman (she did not hear it directly) and federal headship—representing humanity (Romans 5). His actions affect all.

Summarizing, man's role reflects Jesus Christ saving His church (Ephesians 5, referencing Genesis 2:24). His role preaches the gospel.

The Role of Woman: Complementing Man

Woman enters pre-fall, pre-sin, in a sinless state. Creation was declared "very good" (Genesis 1:31), except one thing: "It is not good that the man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). Man's solitude in his role is incomplete.

God shows man all creation; none suffices. He creates a helper suitable for him—"helper" means to complement, complete, supplement, and provide strength. She strengthens the man himself, not just his work, solving his greatest pre-fall problem: solitude.

She enables him to thrive. Without her, he is incomplete; without him, her role lacks a direct object. Together, they demonstrate God's design, equal in nature and salvation (no male or female in Christ), but distinct in function—like the Trinity: equal essence, different roles. The Son submits to the Father; woman to husband; man represents Christ over the church.

This is a pre-fall gospel (Ephesians 5). Marriage roles preach Christ and the church before the fall. It was the original plan.

The Role of Singleness

If singleness is man's greatest problem, what of singles? Is singleness wrong?

Matthew 19:10-12
"The disciples said to him, 'If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.' But he said to them, 'Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this, receive it.'"

"Eunuchs" here means those abstaining from marriage for the kingdom—devoted to its advance. Singleness is not abnormal; it is admirable, freeing one to focus on the gospel. It fulfills the role of demonstrating the gospel, especially when the kingdom is prioritized.

Permanent and Temporary Singleness

1 Corinthians 7:6-8
"But as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am."

Paul paints singleness positively, wishing others shared his state. It is a gift. Churches often view it negatively, especially in divorce contexts, but Scripture does not.

Paul addresses Corinth's fornication issues (1 Corinthians 6-7). For those struggling with self-control, remain single or marry if eligible. Paul himself was not opposed to marriage (1 Corinthians 9:5) but chose singleness for gospel advance.

Both permanent and temporary singleness emphasize Christ, gospel advancement, and self-control.

Roles in Romantic Relationships Before Marriage

What of dating or courtship? Biblically, romantic relationships are: promised to marry (like engagement), engaged, or married. All aim for lifelong, unbreakable covenant (Matthew 19).

Rather than just practicing marriage roles, Scripture specifies roles for the betrothed.

1 Corinthians 7:36-38
"If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better."

The man must act properly toward his betrothed (not a father-daughter context; "virgin" means betrothed woman). If passions are strong, marry. If controlled, refrain—both are good, refraining better for gospel focus.

Purity in Pre-Marital Relationships

This is a specific reference to individuals in a relationship aimed at marriage. The word "betrothed parthenos" or virgin does not typically refer to an engaged couple. It describes someone abstaining from sex, who is marriageable. In this context, it's a man who has a woman in a committed relationship headed toward marriage, with strong passions involved.

If he has strong passions, he can marry her, assuming both are Christians—it's not a sin. But whoever is firmly established, under no necessity, with desire under control, does well. Two issues are pitted against each other: not behaving properly—acts done in private—and the inverse: self-control.

If struggling with these passions, Christians can marry if eligible. But it's better to enter marriage with a firm foundation of self-control and purity. The specific roles for a man and woman in this relationship are purity and devotion to purity.

That's what Paul means in 1 Corinthians 7 when he says he's trying to save trouble by advising against marriage. Paul, who speaks glowingly of marriage elsewhere, isn't disdainful. He's saving from trouble in a marriage built on fornication and sexual sin—a marriage showing no self-control or repentance brings greater difficulty.

Relationships built on purity lay a better foundation. We should redeem these roles: stop "boyfriend"—be a man. This is a man's virgin. Imagine introducing her: "This is my virgin." Society mocks virginity—movies ridicule it—but it's beautiful, a wonderful privilege, the woman's role here.

It declares publicly: our relationship is about purity. Church romantic relationships often stay private—"don't get involved." But women's role is virgin—establishing purity.

In 1 Corinthians 7:1, Paul says it's good for a man not to touch a woman. The Greek term means to kindle a fire—don't ignite sexual desire. Song of Solomon says let love stay dormant. We're sexual beings with a failsafe until the proper time.

Testing boundaries turns each other on—like nailing to a stake and burning. Under "Christian freedom," not going "all the way" is sadistic. This isn't just youth or college—adult dating in church does the same. True love doesn't sadistically watch you burn.

Freedom from Anxieties

In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul wants you free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the Lord's things, how to please the Lord. The married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife—interests divided.

The unmarried or betrothed virgin woman is anxious about the Lord's things, holy in body and spirit. The married woman, if founded on fornication, worries about worldly things, pleasing her husband.

I say this for your own benefit, not to lay a restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Roles secure undivided devotion to the Lord, entering marriage in good order, glorifying God.

Redemption for the Fallen

Objection: those who lost virginity before or after salvation can't be pure. But 2 Corinthians 11:2 says Paul is jealous, betrothing the church to Christ as a pure virgin—despite Ezekiel 16's fornication.

I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I feel a divine zeal for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.

Redemption extends here. We're fine saying "no longer a drunkard" or "homosexual," but world's view says lost virginity can't be regained. Let the gospel reign: once not a virgin, now I am in Christ. Don't let world's labels define you.

Commitment in Engagement

Commitments pre-marriage are more permanent than the world thinks. Matthew 1:18-19: Mary betrothed (actual engagement word) to Joseph, found with child. Joseph, her husband, a just man, unwilling to shame her, resolved to divorce quietly.

"Apoluō" means divorce—even in engagement. Fornication is biblical grounds to end it, like marriage. Joseph's exemplary relationship shows engagement's seriousness.

Helping in Community

Knowing these roles lets us assist in covenant community—true change is communal. Singles: offer biblical text, not experience.

A man abused his wife in the parking lot. Unmarried, I confronted him. He said, "You're not married—you don't understand." Correct, but no experience justifies abuse. Scripture gives reasons to love your wife, not how older men learned—principles apply universally.

Understanding roles spots issues, lovingly helps brothers and sisters. James 5:19:

My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

Beautiful privilege to help wanderers in roles—men to men, women to women.

If single with marriage hope, trust God orchestrates. Pray less "give me someone great," more "make me great" for my role. No duty to make another fulfill theirs.

In marriage or romance, study to glorify God in your role.