A Proven Way to Have Joy (Part 1 of 2)
Redeeming Our Roles to Glorify God
This evening, we're examining role redemption as a means of glorifying God—not only in our own function but also in encouraging others in their roles. Even if you're not in a particular role, it's essential to understand these biblical concepts to support others. This applies beyond marriage to various relationships and circumstances.
The Origin of Roles: Genesis 2:15–17
To understand roles, we start at their beginning in Scripture.
The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
Genesis 2:15–17
This initiates humanity's first role: the individual man, representing all mankind. He is given three explicit tasks: to work the garden, to protect it (the Hebrew term for "keep" means to guard), and to obey God within it. Work was not a consequence of the fall; it was man's intended role, though the curse made it laborious.
Obedience here means enjoying God's provision and blessing within His boundaries, as verse 16 emphasizes freedom to eat from every tree except one. Genesis 2:9 describes these trees as pleasant to the eyes and good for food—enjoyable provision.
Implicit roles include teaching God's command to the woman (who receives it secondhand) and representing humanity as federal headship (Romans 5). Summarizing, man's role reflects Jesus Christ saving His church (Ephesians 5, interpreting Genesis 2:24)—a gospel demonstration.
Woman's Role: The Divine Complement
This is pre-fall, sinless context. Genesis declares creation "good," but one thing is "not good": man's solitude—his incompleteness in isolation (Genesis 2).
God creates a helper (Hebrew: complement, complete, supplement, strength) suitable for him. She strengthens him, not his work, solving his greatest pre-fall problem: solitude. She enables him to thrive.
Without her, he is incomplete; without him, she has no direct object for her role. Together, they demonstrate the gospel: man as Christ, woman as church (Ephesians 5). Equal in nature and salvation, distinct in function—like the Trinity.
This pre-fall gospel (supralapsarian) preaches Christ and church before sin entered. Marriage roles proclaim the gospel from the start.
Singleness: A Valuable Role
Does this mean singleness is wrong? No. Jesus affirms it in Matthew 19:10–12.
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this, receive it.”
Matthew 19:10–12
"Eunuchs" here means those abstaining from marriage for kingdom focus. Singleness is admirable, offering freedom for gospel advancement—not lesser than marriage. Both demonstrate the gospel.
Temporary Singleness
Paul praises it in 1 Corinthians 7:6–8.
I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.
1 Corinthians 7:6–8
In Corinth's fornication context (1 Corinthians 6–7), Paul urges self-control or marriage. He himself could marry (1 Corinthians 9:5) but chose singleness for gospel mission. Both permanent and temporary singleness advance the kingdom.
Romantic Relationships Before Marriage
What about dating or courtship? Biblically, romantic relationships are: promised to marry (like engagement), engaged, or married—all aiming for lifelong covenant (Matthew 19).
Rather than just practicing marriage roles, Scripture addresses betrothed roles in 1 Corinthians 7:36.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.
1 Corinthians 7:36–38 (ESV)
The man must act properly toward his betrothed, controlling passions—either marry or refrain well. This redeems romantic pursuit toward gospel-honoring ends.
Understanding the Roles in Romantic Relationships
This is a specific reference to individuals in a committed relationship aimed at marriage. The word "betrothed parthenos" or virgin does not typically refer to an engaged couple but to someone abstaining from sex, who is marriageable. In this context, it describes a man who has a woman in a committed relationship toward marriage, facing strong passions. If he has strong passions, he can marry her, assuming both are Christians—it is not a sin. But whoever is firmly established, with his desire under control, does well to keep her as his virgin.
Two issues are pitted against each other: not behaving properly—acts done in private—and the inverse, self-control. If he behaves improperly toward her, it is better to establish self-control and purity before marriage. Christians struggling with these passions can marry, but a firmer foundation is self-control and purity.
The specific roles for a man and woman in this relationship are purity and devotion to purity. This is what Paul means in 1 Corinthians 7 when he says he wants to save you trouble by not marrying. Paul, who elsewhere extols marriage's glory, is not disdainful of it. He means to save you from the trouble of a marriage built on fornication and sexual sin—a marriage showing no self-control or repentance leads to greater difficulty.
Redeeming Biblical Terminology
We should redeem these roles: stop calling it "boyfriend"—be a man. The Bible calls her "his virgin." Imagine introducing her: "This is my virgin." Our society mocks virginity—movies ridicule it—but virginity is beautiful, a wonderful privilege, the woman's role in this relationship. Declaring "my virgin" publicly shows devotion to purity.
Romantic relationships in the church often hide in privacy: "Don't get involved." But women's role here is to be a virgin. In 1 Corinthians 7:1, Paul says it is good for a man not to touch a woman. The Greek term means to kindle a fire—to ignite sexual desire. Song of Solomon says to let your love remain dormant. We are sexual beings, but sexuality stays dormant until the proper time.
In relationships testing boundaries, Paul says don't do that. "We're not going all the way" is ridiculous jargon. Turning each other on is like nailing someone to a stake and setting them on fire—you watch each other burn sadistically. This applies not just to youth but to adult dating in the church. True love does not sadistically watch you burn for pleasure.
Freedom from Anxieties
1 Corinthians 7:32-35: I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife... The unmarried [betrothed] woman or virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay a restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
The anxieties here are bad—not the normal ones in marriage. We don't want worldly anxieties or divided interests. Roles should secure undivided devotion to the Lord, so marriage enters in good order, glorifying God.
Redemption for the Past
Some may object: "I've lost my virginity—before or after salvation. I'm disqualified." But consider:
2 Corinthians 11:2: I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God, for I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.
If the church, like Ezekiel 16, fornicates and loses virginity, Paul can present her as a spotless virgin to Christ. Redemption extends to those who sinned sexually. We're fine saying "I'm no longer a drunkard" or "no longer homosexual," but worldly views say lost virginity can't be redeemed. Let the gospel reign: once not a virgin, now I am in Christ. Don't let worldly labels define you.
The Commitment of Betrothal
In Matthew 1:18-19, Mary was betrothed to Joseph. Betrothed is the Greek word for engagement. She was found with child from the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her husband, a just man, unwilling to shame her, resolved to divorce her quietly. "Apolyo" means divorce. He saw fornication as biblical grounds to end the engagement—like a lawful divorce (Matthew 19). Engagements are more permanent than the world thinks.
Helping in Community
Knowing these roles lets you assist in covenant community—true change is communal. Singles can help marriages using Scripture, not experience. A man once abused his wife in our parking lot. Unmarried, I confronted him biblically. He said, "You're not married—you don't understand." Correct, but no experience justifies abuse. Scripture gives reasons to love your wife.
James 5:19-20: My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.
Help those wandering from their roles—men approach men, women approach women—within church order. If single with hope of marriage, trust God, pray to be made great for your role. In any role—singleness, romance, marriage—glorify God by studying and applying these truths.
