Dating

Jeremy Menicucci
Dating Foundations
• 11 years ago
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Dating

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Dating (Part 1 of 2)

Introduction: A Beneficial Study for All

This is one of the most awkward, uncomfortable subjects to discuss, especially among a youth group with all your attractions to one another. But this won't be as awkward as it seems. It will be very beneficial—even if you're not interested in dating.

If the opposite sex still seems yucky, that's a great place to be. If singleness is your desire for life—excellent for Kingdom advancement—this study still benefits you. It deals with being a Christian and living as one. The truths apply to how you behave as a Christian in general, not just dating. You'll walk away knowing how to live properly in other areas.

Laying the Foundation: Basic Considerations

As we start this series on dating, we need to lay groundwork with two essential foundations—the first tonight, the second next week.

The Negative Connotation of "Dating" vs. "Courting"

The term "dating" or "going on a date" carries negative connotations for many. Some see it as a bad word because of how the world dates. Historically, "date" even referred to sexual encounters, like prostitution.

Language evolves, so "date" doesn't have to mean that today. To avoid the buzzword, some use "courting"—winning affections or approval for marriage, like the old-fashioned suitor asking a father for his daughter's hand.

The key isn't the words, but the concept of romantic relationships.

No Sacred-Secular Divide

Introduce a crucial concept: the sacred versus secular divide. Some believe there's a line between holy (sacred) and worldly (secular). But Reformers realized there's no such divide. If you're a Christian, every aspect of life is sacred—holy. You're a Christian in everything.

There's no "Christian moments" and "non-Christian activities." Date as a Christian—pursue it holily, without sin, for God's glory. No worldly dating outside Christian living. Courtship too must be holy.

Applications extend everywhere: Play video games to God's glory. Shop to God's glory. Have friendships to God's glory. Go to school or work as a Christian—glorifying God, avoiding sin.

It doesn't matter the word—dating or courting—what matters is pursuing it as a Christian with a biblical foundation. Justify everything by Scripture. If not addressed directly, pursue holiness.

Terms to Abandon: Reject Homosexuality and Heterosexuality

Abandon certain terms. Homosexuality is no valid comparison—Scripture calls it sin, prohibited as an abomination. It's not a valid romantic pursuit. Same-sex attraction is a struggle like drunkenness or pornography—minister to it with the gospel, but it's not valid for relationships.

Throw out "heterosexual" too—it implies sexual desire for the opposite sex, unfit for Christians, especially in dating. Replace with "wife-sexual" (guys) or "husband-sexual" (girls): Pursue one person God intends for marriage, experiencing sexuality only after.

Heterosexuality often means mere interest in the opposite sex broadly. Instead, singular focus on a spouse—the highest human relationship under God.

The Biblical Foundation: The Glory of God

This foundation revolutionizes every life area. For dating, it's the glory of God—your greatest motivation.

Man's singular purpose: worship and glorify God. God in Trinity was perfectly satisfied—no need to create humans except to glorify Himself in redemption of the elect and just condemnation of the reprobate, displaying His full attributes.

Romans 3:23—for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Sin is failing to glorify God. Redeemed humanity, through Christ, glorifies God in every life aspect—no sacred-secular divide.

1 Corinthians 10:31—So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

This context warns against bothering a brother's conscience—crucial for dating. If something bothers your partner's conscience, stop. Valuing others over self is key. Christ warned against causing little ones to stumble.

"I'm free in Christ" to do non-sinful things is poor philosophy. Prioritize others: If they see it as sin, avoid it—even alcohol if it offends. This gives huge advantage in dating.

Avoid sin because it falls short of glory. Make God's glory your sole motivation for dating.

Dangers of Wrong Motivations

Entering dating for personal satisfaction sets you up for disappointment. People let you down—everyone sins. If a sinner is your joy source, you'll crash low.

Even marriage highs (popularity, wedding ecstasy) fade when reality shows. Attraction fades with age and gravity—physical beauty alone disappoints.

Idolatry—seeking in relationships what only God provides—leads to disappointment and judgment if unrepentant. True Christianity changes behavior. Christ's first words:

Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand (Mark 1).

Dating to glorify God means work, but leads to transcendent joy in enjoying God. When let down, glorify God still—arguments become reconciliation opportunities, growing the relationship. We've a ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). God works all for good.

Galatians 2:20—I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God.

The Elephant in the Room: Obey Your Parents

If God's glory motivates dating and life, parents' input matters. Rejecting their teaching fails at glorifying God.

Obey parents in the Lord (not if pushing sin). "Don't sin" is piercing advice.

Ephesians 6:1-3—Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Obedience is honoring—disobedience isn't honor despite words. Obeying parents makes relationships go well—foundation for life relationships.

Disobedience lists among worst vices:

2 Timothy 3:1-7—But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty...

(Continued next week.)

Warning Signs in Potential Partners

This is what creates a subpar version of dating: people who are lovers of money, lovers of self, proud, arrogant, abusive—even people that physically abuse others. Disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power. Avoid such people.

2 Timothy 3:2-5 – For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

If they're disobedient to their parents, that's a huge red flag. Avoid this person. Among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.

That's the elephant in the room as a foundational point. Whatever your parents, guardians, or grandparents—whoever leads your life at this point—are saying about relationships, as long as it's not sinful, honor it. Even extreme rules like "don't date until you're 30" or "don't date until you're 18." Don't sneak around and accidentally get into a relationship. That breaks the rule and leads to heartbreak.

The Marriage Foundation of Salvation

The first thing to keep in mind with relationships is that the point of salvation is a marriage relationship—not that you were saved to marry someone, but Christ's marriage to the church. Jonathan Edwards said the whole reason for creation was so the Father would create for the Son a suitable bride to bring into inter-trinitarian fellowship. Jesus came from heaven to seek His bride.

Ephesians 5:32 – This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

When Paul quotes the Old Testament in Ephesians 5:32—a husband shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife—he says this mystery is great, referring to Christ and the church. Marriage has transcendent value as a visible representation of the gospel. In marriage, you live out the gospel, showing the world what it's like when Christ purchases the church and brings it into right relationship with Himself.

Ephesians 5 gives one of the longest New Testament explanations of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says marriage is the appropriate place for physical intimacy. You can have emotional intimacy with other Christians, even brotherly intimacy, but no physical expression of the highest degrees outside marriage.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 – Flee from sexual immorality... You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Intimacy outside marriage is sinful. Marriage is the only scriptural relationship with unhindered romantic expression. 1 Corinthians 7:31 mentions engagement—a valid relationship with the ultimate end of marriage, referring to someone marriageable.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Marry in the Lord, with self-control. Three kinds of relationships: single with self-control and ability to marry; engaged with self-control and ability to marry; marriage with full expression. No biblical prohibition against pre-engagement relationships, clarified by Greek words showing a path to engagement and marriage.

Biblical Dating: Purpose-Driven Toward Marriage

Dating is a relationship that ends in marriage. Culture says dating is to "test drive" or "see where it goes," even live together first. But the Bible knows no romantic relationship that doesn't end in marriage—it disdains those that don't, like the woman at the well in John 4, living with a man not her husband.

Three Greek words clarify: Hermazō—suitable to marry, formal agreement, or engagement (like being promised in marriage). Mneusteuo—promised in marriage or wooing to win for marriage. Parthenos—virgin, eligible for marriage, or promised to a man.

Romantic relationships pursue someone ultimately for marriage. The purpose of life is God's glory, not playing the field for fun. Dating seeks your spouse—a helper suitable for you, completing what's lacking.

Women, seek a man you can contribute to positively, making him better at godliness, leading, and ministry. Men, seek a woman you lead, protect, and provide for, allowing her gifts to shine, springboarding your own.

Key Takeaways

Have a biblical foundation for dating—nothing can refute a child glorifying God within boundaries. Pursue holiness; the sky's the limit. With God's glory as motivation, you have grace-fueled success, even in failure, leading to marriage, not heartache.

Don't create your own relationships; follow Scripture. No romantic relationship benefits without self-control—even in marriage. Embrace the limited scope of romantic relationships in Scripture.

Part of a Series

Dating Foundations

This sermon is part of the "Dating Foundations" series by Pastor Jeremy Menicucci. Explore all sermons in this series for deeper study.

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